Glass children

Welcome to my new blog, Seen & Heard. There is no better way to think about siblings of children with disability being ‘seen and heard’ than by exploring the term ‘glass children’ and what it means.

In recent times, siblings have been referred to as ‘glass children’ because people tend to ‘look straight through them’. The origin is uncertain, but the term became popular after Alicia Maples used it in a now famous TED Talk.

It is very easy for a sibling to be overlooked when the needs of a brother or sister with disability take priority. And siblings can then feel that they are not as valued or important in their family. Friends and family can reinforce this when they regularly ask about the child with disability, and not the sibling.

As Fran, whose younger brother has Down Syndrome, said:

Everyone knew me as Geoffrey’s sister. No one said, ‘Oh you’re Fran, you’ve got pretty blonde hair’. It was all about him. I was always a bit of a nobody.

Without support, siblings can feel isolated and alone, with no-one to talk to. They can feel less important than other family members. If a child continues to struggle with self-worth it can lead to longer term resentment, anxiety and depression. They may turn to unhealthy coping strategies.

If a child continues to struggle with self-worth it can lead to resentment, anxiety and depression. They may turn to unhealthy coping strategies.

The good news is that it isn’t too difficult to ensure your children who are siblings feel valued and cared for.

1:1 time

I know it can be hard to find time but even a few moments before bedtime to debrief their day, can help them feel a greater connection to you, to feel seen and heard. Maybe set a date once a month (or when time allows) for special time together, for example, picking them up early from school for a special cafe treat.

 Celebrate

Celebrate the achievements of all your children, big or small and let them know you are proud of them. Encourage their own interests and abilities and, as they grow, help them to identify their own needs and to plan their own goals. 

 Connections

Help siblings make connections with extended family/friends. Encourage other adults in your family’s life to take an interest in the sibling. Talk to teachers to ensure they are assisted in making friendships at school and encourage them to join activity groups through school or the community, where they might create other friendships and feel connected. Such connections contribute to a child feeling more confident in themselves.